It was the summer of 2012, around 8:15 PM, I was returning home from a not-so-good client meeting. An afternoon bus ride to the outskirts of the city in the sweltering mid-day sun triggered my day’s woes. The evening was not a respite either. I stepped out of the suburban railway station, and was walking towards my shared apartment via the 2nd cross street, Kodambakkam in Chennai. I was hungry and exhausted.
Right opposite a prominent church, I noticed a stout, dark woman standing under a tree, looking at me expectantly. As I came near, she called me and took a gulps of hesitation and said, ‘Thambi, I’m from Nagapattinam and I lost my husband near the bus station. I don’t have a phone nor do I have his number. Could you please offer me some money so I could reach my hometown safely? I’ve not had anything to eat since morning.’
Her voice felt desperate and her tone reflected pain. I felt pitiful for her being lost in a huge city, and immediately took out 50 bucks I had in my pocket and gave it to her. That was the last cash I had for the day to have a couple of parottas or chappathis for dinner. But the woman was standing in front of a church and her pain felt real. Later that night, I had to cook my dinner and then sleep, adding another layer to my exhaustion.
*****
Almost ten days later, I walked the same path at about the same time, and guess what, she was there, but this time at the corner of the street, talking to a young couple. Maybe she didn’t remember, but as I crossed them, I can clearly hear the words, ‘husband at the bus station.’ Same pain, and same desperation. It stung inside to have been cheated, but I just walked past, not knowing what to do.
That weekend, I went to the local vegetable market and I couldn’t believe my eyes. She had a stall there, selling vegetables. As if the divine was showing me who she really was.
*****
A few years later there was another incident. I was in Coimbatore for a weekend get together with my friends. It was around noon, and I was walking with my friend to a restaurant, crossing a prominent news publishing house on Kamarajar road, near Peelamedu. A man walked directly up to me with open hands, and simply said, ‘Please help me. Give me something so I can have food. I’m feeling hungry.’
He looked fragile, and shoddy, almost like a beggar but cannot be identified as one. His plead was very moving and as I did with the woman, I offered him a Rs.50 note. Why 50? Because it is what is required to have a decent meal at the time.
Content and happy, I went on to have lunch and returned the same way. To my dismay, I saw the same man, gulping from a once use plastic tumbler, in front of a TASMAC (alcohol) shop. Basically, I gave money to a drunk to get drunk.
It stung me again, but this time it was deeper. Suddenly, I remembered how I was cheated by the woman in Chennai. It shook me to the core. My idea of charity and sympathy collapsed.
If people can so easily exploit my sense of concern, then I must be at fault. Why did I have to see them misuse my trust? They could have simply gone somewhere else to do what they did, without me witnessing their act. But I saw their farce. The universe had laid their intentions bare for me to see. I took it as a lesson. That day I decided not to offer or help anyone begging on the street. Somehow the insult and disappointment was too strong, I stopped charity altogether.
*****
For years, I did not offer anything to any beggar. Sometimes when I walked past, ignoring them, I felt I was making a mistake but the hurt inside was too strong to sway me otherwise.
Several years later, I came across a video on YouTube. A crude paraphrasing by the presenter goes like this, ‘When people who intend to do bad things are undeterred in their actions, why do people who intend to do good neglect to express their inner nature? The world would truly be a better place if only those with the right intentions don’t fail to act.’ I do not remember which video I got this from, but the message was simple, and it knocked me upside down.
The thought helped me experience a release, a sense of ease within myself after many years. An innate feeling that I had bottled up, now had a renewed purpose of expression. I felt relieved and unburdened. On that day, I decided that whatever small contribution I can make to create a better world I will do so without hesitation.
Today, I don’t hesitate to help the needy. But now I’m more cautious, and when I suspect someone might misuse my help, I just buy them food.
There are challenges in being truthful to who we really are, but I learnt that instead of closing ourselves after hurtful incidents it is better to find an alternate path and continue doing what we need to do.
________
“What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear your views. Stay connected for more insights and stories by following me on Instagram and Facebook
Originally published on medium.com on Feb 27, 2026
