It’s been over 1008 days and counting. I have been sitting here, in this secluded cave, and meditating with a single focus – following every instruction laid down by my guru to the minutest detail. The image of the doorway, a portal, is the only thing I see everywhere now, even in my dreams. Every intricate detail – the triangles, the decorative vines, the winged beasts, and the most prominent detail of all, the entwined snakes. The door is etched in every crevice of my mind.
Just like any other day, on this snowy winter evening, I sit down for meditation again. I lost count of the number of days after 1008. I still follow all the steps in the process judiciously – lighting a lamp; carefully placing some flowers; burning herbs in a small earthen bowl; sprinkling water everywhere; and a small fire in the havan. Every detail followed, before sitting for meditation.
I close my eyes and bring up a single image to my mind’s eye. The door – the portal. ‘Once the door opens, you will have access to time – past, present, and future,’ my guru said, ‘but your focus must be intense, as intense as a fire that burns with a thousand trees – as intense as the volcano that erupts in anger – as intense as the tornado that sweeps through lands.’ A forbidden door, that opens only for the resolute and undaunted.
I sit with no other thought, except for the door. I see the door as clearly as it was right before me. Close enough that I could touch it. Hours pass, one – two -three, and a few more. My thought doesn’t waver. I feel my forehead burning, with intensity. The skin on my forehead had already turned black sometime last year. My body feels like burning coal. It doesn’t sweat anymore, and the air around me has become warm even in this cold winter. I do not waver. I will not waver. I stay the course until the goal is reached.
I feel something – like a thread caressing my toes. It moves higher, not a thread, more like a rope. It moves slowly over my thighs. No, no, not a thread nor a rope. A snake. I can feel its movement, not too heavy nor too light, but certainly a snake. I sit even more still. I don’t fear, I’m just precautious. Any sudden movement could be my last – my years of sadhana gone futile. I sit still. It slowly moves upward. Now over my stomach and chest. It sways its head left and right – as if sniffing for life. I am unmoving. It reaches my shoulder and winds itself around my neck.
My focus has shifted from the door, the portal – to the movements of the snake. I follow its movement without opening my eyes. Suddenly, it hits my forehead, not a bite, but a hit. No, it’s not a hit either, but a caress. I can feel its tongue on the sacred point between my eyebrows. What is it doing? A sudden chill permeates the sacred point. It is so cold, that it spreads throughout my body. First my head, then my neck, my shoulders, chest, up until the feet everything becomes cold. I don’t feel anything anymore. Not even the snake around my neck.
Suddenly, a blinding light fills my mind’s eye. It grows brighter and brighter and everything becomes white. Slowly images start to appear – moving images. It plays like a movie, but I watch with my eyes closed. I see myself in this movie, a younger self – then as a teenager – then more younger – then as a child. As I continue to see, everything about me is moving backward in time.
Now I see myself inside my mother’s womb – then before the womb – then as an old man – then as someone younger. It moves backward over several lifetimes. Faster and faster it moves. Now as a single-celled organism – now as just light – now as unbridled energy. Finally, I was nothing. As the movie ends in the past, it dawns on me, the door has opened. The snake was not just any snake – a divine snake – the Naga – the Kshetrapala – the key to the door – the answer to my sadhana. I feel ecstatic as I realize the fruit of my tapas. I open my eyes, smiling. I, a naga sadhu have become a new man, a new being, a timeless self.
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Originally published at gracedbyayogi.wordpress.com on October 17, 2024
